It's like ten thousand spoons...

A few years ago I misused the word "ironic" and instead of arguing the point I decided to learn from it. If you're still reliving your glory days of 1994 then you probably remember Reality Bites and the back and forth about defining "irony". Dictionary.com says: 1) the use of words to convey a meaning that is the opposite of its literal meaning 2) Literature: a technique of indicating, as through a character or plot development, an intention or attitude opposite to that which is actually or ostensibly stated and 5) an outcome or event contrary to what was, or might have been, expected.

You see, irony is not coincidence. It's also not simply something you'd consider a bummer. With that said I would like to take you through something I put together long ago...a breakdown of Alanis Morissette's lyrics for "Ironic". Then, to conclude, you can read my song set to the same tune.

"Ironic" by Alanis Morissette
An old man turned ninety-eight
He won the lottery and died the next day – Bummer is not equal to irony.
It's a black fly in your Chardonnay – It’s not a black fly in your chardonnay...though the contrast of the white wine with the black fly could be used in the setting of literature to parallel an ironic concept.
It's a death row pardon two minutes too late – This is more like a big "whoopsie!!!!!".
And isn't it ironic... don't you think – No it’s not ironic…I don’t think.

It's like rain on your wedding day – In the context of literature this could be used in an ironic sense.
It's a free ride when you've already paid – This has no irony whatsoever.
It's the good advice that you just didn't take ¬– This is just called poor foresight and/or judgment.
Who would've thought... it figures – Huh?

Mr. Play It Safe was afraid to fly
He packed his suitcase and kissed his kids goodbye
He waited his whole damn life to take that flight
And as the plane crashed down he thought
"Well isn't this nice..."
And isn't it ironic... don't you think – This is the exact opposite of irony. I mean the dude thought he would die in a plane and then he did.

It's like rain on your wedding day
It's a free ride when you've already paid
It's the good advice that you just didn't take
Who would've thought... it figures

Well life has a funny way of sneaking up on you – Kind of like those squirrels on the golf course when they steal your snacks.
When you think everything's okay and everything's going right
And life has a funny way of helping you out when
You think everything's gone wrong and everything blows up
In your face – There’s nothing ironic about the Unabomber.

A traffic jam when you're already late – This is like a compounded bummer.
A no-smoking sign on your cigarette break – This actually is kind of ironic.
It's like ten thousand spoons when all you need is a knife – Yes…yes, “irony” is “ten thousand spoons when all you need is a knife.”
It's meeting the man of my dreams
And then meeting his beautiful wife – This is more a timing issue. She simply got there first.
And isn't it ironic...don't you think – No.
A little too ironic...and, yeah, I really do think... – Trust me, it’s not.


"Really Ironic" by Keith

A violent man with fire in his eyes
Started a world war which won him the Nobel Peace Prize
It’s a dirty blotch on your bar of soap
It’s a contraceptive being worn by the Pope
Yes it is ironic…don’t you think?

It’s like pain when someone hugs you too hard
It’s a skinny girl who only eats lard
Or when it feels good when you get kicked in the nards
And who would’ve thought it figures?

Mr. Fireman saved peoples’ lives
He was a hero every day of his life
He took his kids camping for just one night
When the marshmallow set his hair on fire he thought
“At least it’ll burn up the lice”
And isn’t it ironic…don’t you think?

It’s like pain when someone hugs you too hard
It’s a skinny girl who only eats lard
Or when it feels good when you get kicked in the nards
And who would’ve thought it figures?

Comedic contrast has a funny way of sneaking up on you
When you think everything’s just as it should be
And life has a funny way of pointing it out when
Someone poops their pants in a fancy dress

A bad hair day when you’ve been bald for years
An excellent joke that brings you to tears
It’s like getting sloppy butt drunk on A&W root beers
It’s like meeting the woman of your dreams
And then finding out she has male genitals
And isn’t it ironic? Don’t you think?
A little too ironic? Well, it makes you think.