Saturday, October 11, 2014

36 Years...What I've Learned Along the Way

I chose this picture solely because my daughter is pretty.

I recently had my 36th birthday and it got me to thinking. It got me to thinking about how long it takes for life experiences to become wisdom. I mean, I'm in my late 30's now and I feel like I'm still learning new things, new perspectives every day. But I have picked up a few things along the way and I thought maybe I would just put them in a list here in case some of you hadn't yet learned some of them. So, in no particular order, below are all the things I collective 36 year old wisdom...

        You and your spouse can be soul mates. You can eat together. You can sleep together. You can shower together. You can make love together.  But you never, never poop in front of each other.

        If you pluck out your nose hairs they WILL come back thicker than before...and then you'll pluck them out again.

        Socks are only gross once you take them off...same as underwear.

        There is no such thing as “bad pizza”.

        People LOVE to spend other people's money.

        Tracy Chapman is a woman.

        1 in every 4 times you lend something out you will never see it again.

        There is no immune system capable of combating the disease-incubators we also refer to as “children”.

        65% of junk email is specifically about my“junk”.

        Don't lose your retainer.

        The tighter the jeans, the higher pitched the voice.

        Always keep a spare towel with you.

        Never put yourself in a position to ask “do these back rolls make my tattoo look fat?”

        You don't sing as well as you think you do.

        There is absolutely no good reason to board a plane early.

        Everything in the world, no matter how dangerous, is statistically safer than driving a car.

        People who think they are smart rarely change their minds. People who ARE smart are open to new information.

        When you are not home, your dog is outside barking.

        I like turtles.

        Celebrity is moronic and may eventually lead to our ultimate downfall.

        Social media is the modern day lynch mob...and nobody seems to care.

        'Irregardless' is not a word. It just isn't. Don't say it. Ever.

        People are inconsiderate and self-interested.

        80% of drivers are the self-proclaimed best driver in the world. 10% of drivers live in fear of those 80%. The rest are Asian women.

        Man's finest achievement may very well be pants with zip-off legs.

        Credit card debt is bad.

        Cold cereal is better as a late night snack than as a breakfast food. 

        Hair shouldn't be very important...but it is.

        Hate is a word that should be avoided at all costs...except when discussing the New York Yankees.

–    Money is a tool...and so is Ryan Seacrest.

–    Friends who don't recommend that you watch Impractical Jokers are not real friends...seriously, watch this show.

        And, most importantly...Life is short...don't screw it up.